The enemy would love for you to believe you’re alone in your journey — that you’re the only one dealing with the pain you’re currently undergoing.

The truth is there are hundreds, maybe thousands of people who are walking through very similar trials as you. When your eyes are opened up to this, it makes your problems seem much smaller in the light of the larger picture of pain in this world.

Every year for the past several years I’ve identified a word for the year. I used to only choose a word for our church. Now I choose a word for our church and a word for our family. In the past the word has often been based on a concept or an idea that I couldn’t get off my mind. It usually spawned from lessons The Lord was teaching me the final couple months of the previous year. I’ve always want this word to provide us with a unified sense of purpose and direction for the coming year - in one case for our volunteers and staff, and in the other for my family.

I’m often asked if there are any resources I would suggest for people who are walking through a trial or suffering of some sort. Since Amanda passed I’ve read a number of books that have helped frame in me a theology of suffering. These resources have offered me handholds for discovering purpose in my pain.

Tragedy - especially death - has a way of clarifying things. When you lose the most important person in your life you begin to take inventory of what really matters. Eternity seems so palpable you can taste it. And, if you’ll let Him, Jesus will use your pain to cause your heart to beat more fervently for what makes His heart beat.

Lately I’ve been having flashbacks. I’m not sure if they call this Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or not, but there have been multiple times over the past couple weeks where my mind almost involuntarily drifts to the morning I walked in and found Amanda.

From day one I recognized this was not just a physical attack, but a spiritual one. There was no other way I could understand how all this could have happened in the hour and a half I was gone from my house, other than this was a strategically mapped out, carefully plotted ploy by evil powers that live in the supernatural realm and have been given dominion of this world.

Time constraints didn’t allow us to answer every question that was texted in during our live Q&A, but I decided to take the best 5 questions we didn’t answer and give my best explanations right here on the blog. You can see the answers to questions 1-3 on a post from earlier this week. I'll answer questions 4 and 5 today. I hope this helps to provide healing and hope in your situation.

I purchased Amanda a sword from the movie Braveheart the Valentines Day during our engagement. I know, most guys do chocolates and flowers but I’m not most guys, and Amanda wasn’t most girls. She was special and each special occasion I felt the urge to do something special for her. Something that would top the last.

Sometimes you don’t have an explanation for it. It defies reason. It defies logic. It’s no respecter of time or appointments. It doesn’t take into consideration conversations you’re needing to have, situations you’re needing to save-face for. Grief. Agonizing, gut-wrenching grief.

Despite the waves of emotion, I determined this year’s race was going to be special. We had 40 people in #ForIndy t-shirts running in honor of Amanda. Our Resonate Worship band was one of the featured bands along the route. 50 more of our Resonate volunteers signed up to pass out gatorade to runners. I was on track to post a personal record by running a faster time than I’d ever run a half-marathon. This year was going to be special!