I wonder if you’ve ever felt the same way. Whether you have or haven’t lost someone close to you, you've probably known someone who has. You’ve probably been faced with a moment like this. Perhaps not having to speak publicly to a group of grieving folks, but maybe you’ve walked across a room to console someone face-to-face and with each step searched for the words to say that could bring some kind of comfort, answers, and reasoning for their pain.

Suffering has a way of intruding. It isn’t respectful. It doesn’t ask for permission. Though it also isn’t biased. It causes the just and the unjust, the good and the evil, to take a step back and reorient their lives. It shoves it’s way into our daily rhythms and forces us to ask questions of ourselves we never wished to entertain before. However it’s subtle and sly in the way it does so. It doesn’t hold a proverbial gun to our head and force us to drink from a cup we weren’t already holding. It reveals and exposes what was already in our hearts -- the cup that was already in our hands. In the face of suffering some drink out of the cup of coping mechanisms, while others drink from the cup that conquers.

The enemy would love for you to believe you’re alone in your journey — that you’re the only one dealing with the pain you’re currently undergoing.

The truth is there are hundreds, maybe thousands of people who are walking through very similar trials as you. When your eyes are opened up to this, it makes your problems seem much smaller in the light of the larger picture of pain in this world.

Every year for the past several years I’ve identified a word for the year. I used to only choose a word for our church. Now I choose a word for our church and a word for our family. In the past the word has often been based on a concept or an idea that I couldn’t get off my mind. It usually spawned from lessons The Lord was teaching me the final couple months of the previous year. I’ve always want this word to provide us with a unified sense of purpose and direction for the coming year - in one case for our volunteers and staff, and in the other for my family.

Lately I’ve been having flashbacks. I’m not sure if they call this Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or not, but there have been multiple times over the past couple weeks where my mind almost involuntarily drifts to the morning I walked in and found Amanda.

It took me three months after Amanda was killed before I could go back into my house. I couldn’t bring myself to face the scene where I found her. I couldn’t muster up the courage to willingly walk back into those horrific memories. But I want you to know something that happened while I was in the house. I want you to see how, if you’ll let it, God’s Word can direct you in truth to comfort your unknowns.

From day one I recognized this was not just a physical attack, but a spiritual one. There was no other way I could understand how all this could have happened in the hour and a half I was gone from my house, other than this was a strategically mapped out, carefully plotted ploy by evil powers that live in the supernatural realm and have been given dominion of this world.

Time constraints didn’t allow us to answer every question that was texted in during our live Q&A, but I decided to take the best 5 questions we didn’t answer and give my best explanations right here on the blog. You can see the answers to questions 1-3 on a post from earlier this week. I'll answer questions 4 and 5 today. I hope this helps to provide healing and hope in your situation.

Last Sunday I invited Amanda’s family to join me on stage and answer questions about life, death, grief and loss. It was an incredibly healing time for all of us. We laughed, cried, and processed in real time. It’s always been a value in our church to be authentic and real about where you’re at and how Jesus is walking you in next steps and I believe that applies from the top/down of leadership. Thank you for letting us be real with you!

We’ve received countless stories of how Amanda’s story has changed people’s lives. I love to hear these because they remind me that NOTHING IS WASTED. I wanted you to see some of these stories too. This one is from Anna. 

Sometimes you don’t have an explanation for it. It defies reason. It defies logic. It’s no respecter of time or appointments. It doesn’t take into consideration conversations you’re needing to have, situations you’re needing to save-face for. Grief. Agonizing, gut-wrenching grief.

Despite the waves of emotion, I determined this year’s race was going to be special. We had 40 people in #ForIndy t-shirts running in honor of Amanda. Our Resonate Worship band was one of the featured bands along the route. 50 more of our Resonate volunteers signed up to pass out gatorade to runners. I was on track to post a personal record by running a faster time than I’d ever run a half-marathon. This year was going to be special!