Suffering has a way of intruding. It isn’t respectful. It doesn’t ask for permission. Though it also isn’t biased. It causes the just and the unjust, the good and the evil, to take a step back and reorient their lives. It shoves it’s way into our daily rhythms and forces us to ask questions of ourselves we never wished to entertain before. However it’s subtle and sly in the way it does so. It doesn’t hold a proverbial gun to our head and force us to drink from a cup we weren’t already holding. It reveals and exposes what was already in our hearts -- the cup that was already in our hands. In the face of suffering some drink out of the cup of coping mechanisms, while others drink from the cup that conquers.

The enemy would love for you to believe you’re alone in your journey — that you’re the only one dealing with the pain you’re currently undergoing.

The truth is there are hundreds, maybe thousands of people who are walking through very similar trials as you. When your eyes are opened up to this, it makes your problems seem much smaller in the light of the larger picture of pain in this world.

As time goes on, your heart should increasingly be convinced of: "I can't believe I’m hers, and I can’t believe she’s mine." And not just because you're trying to project some kind of online image that you have a fairy tale relationship or because you’re merely in love with the idea of love. Do you actually feel that inherently - and increasingly - about her?

This project was conceived out of hurt, nurtured through healing, and will be delivered as hope. Discovering hope for yourself after hurt takes time, but it can be transferred in a moment. Sometimes you need to borrow other people’s faith when your faith is faltering.

I decided to write Part 2 and Part 3 as if I were sitting down with Weston when he's 22 years old, dating a girl, and getting ready to pop the question. These are the questions I’d ask him:

Now that I reflect on Amanda and our relationship I think to myself, how in the world did I know she was "the one" for me? There must have been some indicators. There must of been some tell-tales that made me fall so head-over heels, that compelled me to put so many of my personal ambitions and dreams lower on the priority list in order to pursue her heart.

This was the last book Amanda was reading when she went to be with Jesus. It was more than just a book. It was the way she lived her life. 

Lately I’ve been having flashbacks. I’m not sure if they call this Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or not, but there have been multiple times over the past couple weeks where my mind almost involuntarily drifts to the morning I walked in and found Amanda.

It took me three months after Amanda was killed before I could go back into my house. I couldn’t bring myself to face the scene where I found her. I couldn’t muster up the courage to willingly walk back into those horrific memories. But I want you to know something that happened while I was in the house. I want you to see how, if you’ll let it, God’s Word can direct you in truth to comfort your unknowns.

On November 11th, 2016, the 1-year anniversary of Amanda’s death, the Resonate Band will be recording a live worship album. These songs are powerful reminders to us of God’s faithfulness even in the most horrific of circumstances.

From day one I recognized this was not just a physical attack, but a spiritual one. There was no other way I could understand how all this could have happened in the hour and a half I was gone from my house, other than this was a strategically mapped out, carefully plotted ploy by evil powers that live in the supernatural realm and have been given dominion of this world.

Last Sunday I invited Amanda’s family to join me on stage and answer questions about life, death, grief and loss. It was an incredibly healing time for all of us. We laughed, cried, and processed in real time. It’s always been a value in our church to be authentic and real about where you’re at and how Jesus is walking you in next steps and I believe that applies from the top/down of leadership. Thank you for letting us be real with you!

I purchased Amanda a sword from the movie Braveheart the Valentines Day during our engagement. I know, most guys do chocolates and flowers but I’m not most guys, and Amanda wasn’t most girls. She was special and each special occasion I felt the urge to do something special for her. Something that would top the last.

This picture was taken almost 28 years ago on Easter Sunday. It was the most beautiful day. The sun was shining, and the birds were chirping. I can even remember folding my lace-trimmed socks down over my white patent leather shoes.

But really? A double wedding? Who does that? Well, we did. Partly to save money (I mean our guest lists were basically identical), and partly because we like to be unique. We had never been to a double wedding, and there were definitely moments when I think we both wondered what we were getting ourselves into.

Yesterday I took Weston to Amanda’s gravesite for the first time. I thought it fitting to begin a new Mother’s Day tradition with him. Needless to say it was very painful. Her headstone wasn't set yet, and he certainly didn’t understand what I was trying to tell him. But I wanted him to know more about his mommy.